Death will be one hell of an adventure

I want to tell you that I've been VERY busy with my go-out-and-see-what-this-place-is-like-to-work-at - week! (aka. internships? Dunno.)

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With this said, let's go right to the topic of the day! C:

“Death is a part of all our lives. Whether we like it or not, it is bound to happen. Instead of avoiding thinking about it, it is better to understand its meaning. We all have the same body, the same human flesh, and therefore we will all die. There is a big difference, of course, between natural death and accidental death, but basically death will come sooner or later. If from the beginning your attitude is 'Yes, death is part of our lives,' then it may be easier to face.”

 I don't like it, you don't like it but it's meant to happen. There's no way around it. Death is most often a terrible thing but it can be beautiful and needed. I see no reason to keep people alive if they're in constant pain. But I see no reason why people who haven't experienced life is dying. Why do babies die? Is it meant to be or is it just happening randomly? Is it okay that the baby dies at birth if there's something seriously wrong with it or should it have the change to live either way? Is it a good life to live if you can't do anything by yourself? Is it worth living if your life is miserable from the day you were born to the day you die? Is it fair for the parents? No one wish for an unhealthy child. But do they want their baby no matter what? In most families I believe that this would be a yes.

Then is it fair that lots of people live in poverty, hunger and disease and we, the ones who live an amazing life, aren't happy? Is it fair that we choose to commit suicide when our lives are good? To me, it's a no. I'm not sorry for the ones who commit suicide. Most of them that is. Most of them are spoiled, selfish children who let everything get out of control and did not try to make it through. Even though it's hard they should keep going. Life is worth living! You don't have to know the answer to all the big questions in life. The small things are just as important! Things like the first snow, the flowers at spring, chilling on the beach with your friends on a hot summer day, playing around in the woods when everything have turned yellow, red and orange. Sitting inside while it's raining with a cup of tea (or coffee or hot chocolate) with your family just talking. The first kiss with a new person. No, just being in love. Having butterflies in your stomach every single time you think of your special someone. Not being able to sleep because you know that you'll see him/her the next day. Heartbreaks. Gotta go through them too. Dress up and go out with your friends, eat lots and lots of chocolate and ice cream and, when you're ready, start over. Fall in love again. Do not get a depression in between because one day you'll find someone you want to spend the rest of your life with. Getting married is a choice you make but knowing that this is the one and growing old with that person, please don't miss that.

http://browse.deviantart.com/photography/?qh=&section=&q=old+couple#/dy9ume

We all want to live happily ever after, don't we?

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I've been thinking a lot about dying young and family members dying young. I'm not ready to die but if I do die young do not cry for me 'cause I'll be safe and I'll always be with you. If I die young invite people to my funeral and make it a good memory. Make sure to remember all the stupid small things I've done and share them with the guests. Get a good laugh on my cost. And move on. take your time and move on. I do not want you to live in the past. That is not good for anyone. 

I want you to smile when your mind crosses me. And I want you to remember me smiling no matter how I look just before dying. I don't care what'll happen to my body 'cause my soul will probably be drifting around with the wind and gathering on places I like.

But I don't want to die. I'm not ready yet. I have lots of things that I haven't told people. There's so many people that don't know how much I appreciate them no matter how much I speak with them. Some of the people I look up to or actually really love spending my time with is someone I don't see that often and when I see them telling them how I feel is something I just don't do. "Hi~ Long time no see! Did I tell you that you are my idol yet? No? Well, you are." That's not happening. Never, ever.

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What is the meaning of death? Why does it exist?

I remember a legend saying that to get light on the earth (like the sun, duuh) the humans had to give up immortality. And I do believe that we wouldn't appreciate life if there wasn't death. Life and death are stuck together and, just like night and day, one can't exist without the other.

I think I'm going to try and accept death even though it's hard.

I've been rambling for long enough now! Clara out.

Mood: tired
Eating: chewing gum
Drinking: nothing
Listening to: The Perry Band - If I die young
Reading: nothing

Storming

So, it's storming today. Yaaaay. Not.

Rain is good, rain is great. Storm and windy weather is a no-go. Unfortunately I'm going to the cinema tonight. It's going to be a wet yet fun adventure. Even though I don't like the twilight series I'm extremely excited!

I don't have the money but I'm going no matter what.

Storms are scary. When you can hear the wind and the rain is hitting the window really hard, sleeping in a room where the ceiling is the roof isn't a good thing. I swear, sleeping is seriously hard sometimes. But being able to sit feet outside the window and looking at the stars is so nice. And my room is gigantic. GIGANTIC. Not long ago I gave my room a make-over. It's so teenage alike now. (LOL) And black. .... My room is emo. WHYY?

Thunder. STOP SCARING ME. Jeez, I seem like a wussy always talking about being scared. But I'm not. Just saying.

Mood: Nervous but excited
Eating: soon Pizza
Drinking: Cola Zero
Listening to: Christina Aguilera: Candyman
Reading: Nothing

Sound of Silence

Hello darkness, my old friend
I've come to talk with you again
Because a vision softly creeping
Left its seeds while I was sleeping
And the vision that was planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the sound of silence

Do you ever feel that sitting in silence is the best way to think everything through? 

Mood: thoughtful

Eating: nothing

Drinking: nothing

Listening to: The Sound Of Silence

Reading: nothing

Clara out.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BvsX03LOMhI

Busy, Busy, Busy

Hello again!

I just thought I would tell you something about my life. As you all know my mid-terms started this week but what you don't know is that I only have math and English left this week. (French in a couple of weeks but we don't like that <.<)
So far everything is fine! But my arm is NOT fine. My arc decided to kill it earlier. It's not pretty. And it hurts. Fuck my life.

Anygays! I went to the hairdresser earlier today and got a very, very needed haircut. It's not the best but I like it. I can't wait till Friday when my friend's dying my hair~ It'll be fun!

Saturday is Pedo's sister's birthday (still nedd to buy her a present but WHAT? Any ideas? :3) and people visiting for dinner. I don't really know them... I guess I'll be chillin in mah room with mah computah and a glass of milk(ah?) BD

Sunday is church-morning then baking- and eating-afternoon and then hair dying- and Twilight-evening.

No, I DON'T like Twilight.

 But I'm going to watch the movie no matter what. Then dinner and then bed. Ugh. Busy Week.

BUT Thursday I'll be doing nothing else than shopping and going to Ikea.. LAMPS FOR MY ROOM. I'LL BE ABLE TO SEE AFTER FIVE! Yaaaaaaay~! (I really needed a lamp, lolz)
I want to give myself a mission. I need to find SOMETHING with color for my room. You might say that it's easy but it have to match the rest OTL this. is. hard.

Anygays! What ya doin this weekend folks? BD

Mood: busy D:
Eating: Nothing. I'M SO FULL
Drinking: Nothing
Listening to: My Chemical Romance - I'm Not Okay (I Promise)
Reading: I should be reading my math but I don't feel like it

Clara out.

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EDIT: Know that feeling when you miss someone extremely much but you don't want to text them because you're afraid that they'll grow tired of you? It suck.

Growing old, are we?

My mid-terms started. I can't believe it. I'm so not ready to grow up. I mean, I don't want to get on with my life, to take responsibility. I want to be a child but I'm growing up none the less. I feel it almost every single day. I grow more mature and I start acting like a real teenager. This suck. 

I want to be able to run around and play without people sending me strange looks. I want to be able to take the train without the inspectors (lol, is that the right word) to look at me questioning my age. 

I'm 15 which means that I'm ending my school this year and have to start on a different one after the summer vacation. And the school I choose will help me getting in on the study I want later. AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I WANT. Which means: I'm screwed. How am I supposed to choose a school now based on what I want to do with my life? No fair!

I don't want to think about the future just yet. It's too scary. People keep asking me: "what do you want to do for at living?" And my answer is always the same: "I have no idea. Really." It's driving me crazy. Ask me what I'm doing this weekend and I'll probably have an answer. What I'll be doing for Christmas, for New Year's Eve. I know that. The summer vacation? Nope. How do the politicians expect us to know by now? 

My mother asked me yesterday what test I was doing today and I told her that I had no idea. One more time how should I know what to do after the holiday?

Besides that I hope I did okay in the test. I had to write a story in danish (my first language) and I finished very early. This might be a good sign, might be a bad sign. Let's wait and see, shall we? My mother was very skeptical when I was home early. She didn't believe that I could have finished it that early and still have written a good story. But there's nothing wrong with my imagination and I thought that almost two pages was long enough but it seems that I was alone with that thought. Oh let it be. At least it's not the final just yet. 

I want to move out. To start living by myself. I know it's early but I don't want to live with my parents anymore. I don't want to move every week. One week at my mother's house. One week at my father's and stepmother's. No. I want to live the same place. I want to arrange my own living room. I want to get a job and make everything go round all by myself. I hate being dependent of a person. Even though they're family I don't want to cause them any trouble. Should I move away this summer? No, not yet. But soon. Very, very soon.  

Mood: Confused and nervous

Eating: nothing

Drinking: nothing

Listening to: BarlowGirl - Beautiful Ending

Reading: nothing.

Clara out. 

Cats!

So this is a blog post about cats~

I know, I know it's extremely silly BUT I'm going to write about them none the less~ BD

I LOVE CATS. 

Clara out.

Mood: Happy!

Eating: Lasagne

Drinking: Water

Listening to: Lilyphone - All because of you 

Reading: nothing

Happiness

Happiness:

"A state of well-being and contentment"

The Danes are said to be the happiest people on earth but sometimes I doubt if that is true. I mean, most of my friends have dealt with a depression or so. It might be that I suck at choosing my friends but still...


It is my conviction that people outside Denmark have some trouble feeling happy. I mean, they have to be depressed all the fucking time! 


I really don't get why people have such a hard time finding happiness. Buy a dog folks! They're cute and they'll love you forever if you treat them right. If you don't like dogs buy a cat. They're loving too. (I really love my cat <3)


But happiness shouldn't be something you search for all your life. You should wake up one day realizing that you're happy. And that you can't remember the last time you weren't. 
Thinking about happiness is not something we should use too much time on. 'Cause thinking about it won't bring it. It'll probably just depressing you even more. "Why is everybody but me happy?", "How do I find happiness?", "I wish I had a special one to make me happy..". GET OUT AND FIND ONE GODDAMN IT. 


People are so passive when it considers love and happiness. They wish to be happy, they wish to be in a relationship but they do nothing about it. Especially girls have these problems about love. They "wait around for mister right" (Grease ftw) and get their expectations way too high. There's a couple of girls in my class who can't believe that the boys actually talk about porn. That they watch it. Irk. If you ask me they watched too many chick-films. It's sick. 


Girls realize it. There are no boys that innocent. They were created by film companies to make money. 


On the other side. 
Guys realize it. There are no girls with natural tits who have a front butt. They don't exist. 


Mood: Happy (front butts <3)
Eating: nothing
Drinking: juice
Listening to: the television
Reading: nothing


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I just found out that I'll be spending my night at Pedo's house! 
Change my mood from Happy to excited~! 


Clara out. ^w^

Don't Stop Believing

I might be telling people different things, I might doubt it. But I can't run from the truth.

I need you to hold me up and even though I don't talk to you that often I need you in my life in order to keep my hopes up. I know that clinging to you is a stupid wish of eternity but without you, my everyday just doesn't make sense. Without you I have no reason to live. 'Cause then there'll be no reason for anything. People die every single day and if you're not there I can't go on. I need a reason. I need to know. 

God be my temple. I will fail without you. 

I do believe in God. I doubt his existence every single day but I'm positive on the same time. Is that even possible? I feel that believing in God is something I do because I'm too weak to stand by myself. Which means that I don't tell people often. I hate to seem weak and I spend most of my time hiding at least one of my feelings from others. I don't want to be weak. I want to be strong. I know that believing in God isn't a sign of you being weak but I keep telling myself that. I wish to be an atheist but I not. I can't just choose not to believe in God. It's not that simple. Nothing is.

Sometimes I wish I was more independent. I wish I was able to let go of him. To accept that he most likely doesn't exist. That he's something created by humans. But I'm not ready yet. Will I ever be?

When big disasters happen I find it hard to belie that he's there. I have no idea why he would let that many people die, let children loose their parents in such a cruel way. I wanted to write war to one of the things I don't understand but I don't believe that God is responsible for that. I don't believe that God is controlling our every move. We're individuals and are responsible for our acts. But humans are not to blame for some disasters. Then who is?


Mood: slightly confused
Eating: a tomato
Drinking: nothing
Listening to: BarlowGirl - You led me
Reading: nothing

Shit. Just got serious.

Please understand that hurting yourself do not help tackling your problems. It creates more. It'll make the pain go away but it won't last. You'll have to do it again and again and again and one day you'll wake up and find that you're addicted to it. You'll have to cut deeper to ease the pain and it'll get even more dangerous.

I can't forgive you. I won't forgive you. You're scaring me, god damn it. Every single time I see you I'm checking your arms, checking how many scars that is covering your arms. You're out of control.
You're messing up MY everyday and I hate it. But I care to fucking much to let you go.
Sometimes I want to take you and hit you very hard, give you something real to cry over. But I know that you're not crying without a reason. It's everything and nothing. Out of all sudden it seems like reality finally hit you and I'm sorry darling but you'll just have to accept that. I know it hard but who said it was easy? Who said that I see the meaning with life? I don't. And I don't have to.

I know that you have a depression but get over it. I know it's not as simple as it sounds. I know that turning someone's mind from thinking one thing to think another is pretty hard but it's possible.
There is a way out and if you keep trying you'll find a way. It'll take a while and it won't be easy. You'll get out with lots of scars, much different from those you have at the moment. But you'll be happy.

But go ahead. Go ahead and hurt yourself. Hurt me. Go on, commit suicide. Be selfish. Run away from every single thing in your entire life. What do you think'll happen later? Who said that committing suicide would be a relief? Darkness is not a relief. 'Cause you will never, ever be able to feel it. You'll die while being depressed. That is not a good thing. You won't remember anything after that 'cause there is nothing later.

Pain is not the way out. Suicide is most definitely not the way out. Remember that.

Mood: scared
Eating: nothing
Drinking: milk
Listening to: my mother
Reading: nothing

To kiss or not to kiss - A simple question

I'll just get to the point.

A couple of days ago I was at J-popcon which is a cosplay convention in Denmark.
I was fooling around with a couple of friends and I was wearing a sticker that said: "Kiss me".
You probably already guessed what happened.
This guy came up to me and kissed me! I've never even met him before and I don't think we'll ever meet again.
It's just pissing me of that people do that kind of thing! I didn't even know him. My god. I was so shocked I didn't even get to speak with him before he left. And I'm glad. It wouldn't have been pretty. I'm really not comfortable with people who do that kind of stuff. I can't take it. I'm a very open person but I don't usually go around and kiss people a barely know. A kiss on the cheek is okay but on the lips and a stranger? Never, ever.
I really hope I'll never experience that again 'cause I'll might get very angry.

People should really think before they act. And not only when it comes to stuff like this. Consider how many people you hurt before doing something stupid. Don't parents teach their children not to cross the lines we draw?
I guess I'm just a weird child then. I apologize way too often because I'm afraid of hurting people.
A conversation with me:

Me: "blablabla.. Sorry, blablabla, sorry, blurhblabaaah"
You: "blahblurhblaaa"
Me: "blabuublalbva,  sorry, bluh."
You: "Stop saying sorry, god damn it!"
Me: ".... Sorry."

I know, I know. It's extremely annoying and yes, this is the actual conversation. Literally.
I don't think it's healthy to think THAT much about others. Sometimes I feel like I'm walking on eggshells. That is not comfortable, I can assure you of that.

But do me a favor and stick with a kiss on the cheek if you have to kiss me, m'kay?

Mood: slightly annoyed
Eating: nothing
Drinking: milk
Listening to: Panic! At the Disco - The Ballad of Mona Lisa
Reading: this, duuuh

Clara out.

Well Hello There~

Hey guys!

Clara typing while making my very first blog post!
I am so excited about this, 'cause I haven't done anything like this for, like, forever.

First! A little introduction:

My name is Clara, I'm 15 years old and I live in Copenhagen, Denmark.
My parents are divorced so I live two different places. It suck -.-
I have a younger sister named Celina and an older sister named Christine.
They're both amazing in a weird kind of way and I love them (and I really, REALLY hope that they'll never read this blog xD). But they're my sisters none the less so I find them slightly annoying. Often.
I spend most of my time on the internet, surfing, chatting, facebooking, youtubeing, all that kind of stuff...
Oh! And I cosplay! I'm a cosplayer, which means that I dress up as a none-existing character and do lots of weird stuff while pretending to be them. It's extremely epic, trust me. (If you want to know more: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cosplay)

I have a weakness towards chocolate and milk. I hate risalamande. A danish dish you eat at Christmas. It's icky, okay?

Just one more thing. I never finish anythi-

Clara out.