Growing old, are we?

My mid-terms started. I can't believe it. I'm so not ready to grow up. I mean, I don't want to get on with my life, to take responsibility. I want to be a child but I'm growing up none the less. I feel it almost every single day. I grow more mature and I start acting like a real teenager. This suck. 

I want to be able to run around and play without people sending me strange looks. I want to be able to take the train without the inspectors (lol, is that the right word) to look at me questioning my age. 

I'm 15 which means that I'm ending my school this year and have to start on a different one after the summer vacation. And the school I choose will help me getting in on the study I want later. AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I WANT. Which means: I'm screwed. How am I supposed to choose a school now based on what I want to do with my life? No fair!

I don't want to think about the future just yet. It's too scary. People keep asking me: "what do you want to do for at living?" And my answer is always the same: "I have no idea. Really." It's driving me crazy. Ask me what I'm doing this weekend and I'll probably have an answer. What I'll be doing for Christmas, for New Year's Eve. I know that. The summer vacation? Nope. How do the politicians expect us to know by now? 

My mother asked me yesterday what test I was doing today and I told her that I had no idea. One more time how should I know what to do after the holiday?

Besides that I hope I did okay in the test. I had to write a story in danish (my first language) and I finished very early. This might be a good sign, might be a bad sign. Let's wait and see, shall we? My mother was very skeptical when I was home early. She didn't believe that I could have finished it that early and still have written a good story. But there's nothing wrong with my imagination and I thought that almost two pages was long enough but it seems that I was alone with that thought. Oh let it be. At least it's not the final just yet. 

I want to move out. To start living by myself. I know it's early but I don't want to live with my parents anymore. I don't want to move every week. One week at my mother's house. One week at my father's and stepmother's. No. I want to live the same place. I want to arrange my own living room. I want to get a job and make everything go round all by myself. I hate being dependent of a person. Even though they're family I don't want to cause them any trouble. Should I move away this summer? No, not yet. But soon. Very, very soon.  

Mood: Confused and nervous

Eating: nothing

Drinking: nothing

Listening to: BarlowGirl - Beautiful Ending

Reading: nothing.

Clara out.