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Thursday, November 17, 2011

Shit. Just got serious.

Please understand that hurting yourself do not help tackling your problems. It creates more. It'll make the pain go away but it won't last. You'll have to do it again and again and again and one day you'll wake up and find that you're addicted to it. You'll have to cut deeper to ease the pain and it'll get even more dangerous.

I can't forgive you. I won't forgive you. You're scaring me, god damn it. Every single time I see you I'm checking your arms, checking how many scars that is covering your arms. You're out of control.
You're messing up MY everyday and I hate it. But I care to fucking much to let you go.
Sometimes I want to take you and hit you very hard, give you something real to cry over. But I know that you're not crying without a reason. It's everything and nothing. Out of all sudden it seems like reality finally hit you and I'm sorry darling but you'll just have to accept that. I know it hard but who said it was easy? Who said that I see the meaning with life? I don't. And I don't have to.

I know that you have a depression but get over it. I know it's not as simple as it sounds. I know that turning someone's mind from thinking one thing to think another is pretty hard but it's possible.
There is a way out and if you keep trying you'll find a way. It'll take a while and it won't be easy. You'll get out with lots of scars, much different from those you have at the moment. But you'll be happy.

But go ahead. Go ahead and hurt yourself. Hurt me. Go on, commit suicide. Be selfish. Run away from every single thing in your entire life. What do you think'll happen later? Who said that committing suicide would be a relief? Darkness is not a relief. 'Cause you will never, ever be able to feel it. You'll die while being depressed. That is not a good thing. You won't remember anything after that 'cause there is nothing later.

Pain is not the way out. Suicide is most definitely not the way out. Remember that.

Mood: scared
Eating: nothing
Drinking: milk
Listening to: my mother
Reading: nothing

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