Death will be one hell of an adventure

I want to tell you that I've been VERY busy with my go-out-and-see-what-this-place-is-like-to-work-at - week! (aka. internships? Dunno.)

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With this said, let's go right to the topic of the day! C:

“Death is a part of all our lives. Whether we like it or not, it is bound to happen. Instead of avoiding thinking about it, it is better to understand its meaning. We all have the same body, the same human flesh, and therefore we will all die. There is a big difference, of course, between natural death and accidental death, but basically death will come sooner or later. If from the beginning your attitude is 'Yes, death is part of our lives,' then it may be easier to face.”

 I don't like it, you don't like it but it's meant to happen. There's no way around it. Death is most often a terrible thing but it can be beautiful and needed. I see no reason to keep people alive if they're in constant pain. But I see no reason why people who haven't experienced life is dying. Why do babies die? Is it meant to be or is it just happening randomly? Is it okay that the baby dies at birth if there's something seriously wrong with it or should it have the change to live either way? Is it a good life to live if you can't do anything by yourself? Is it worth living if your life is miserable from the day you were born to the day you die? Is it fair for the parents? No one wish for an unhealthy child. But do they want their baby no matter what? In most families I believe that this would be a yes.

Then is it fair that lots of people live in poverty, hunger and disease and we, the ones who live an amazing life, aren't happy? Is it fair that we choose to commit suicide when our lives are good? To me, it's a no. I'm not sorry for the ones who commit suicide. Most of them that is. Most of them are spoiled, selfish children who let everything get out of control and did not try to make it through. Even though it's hard they should keep going. Life is worth living! You don't have to know the answer to all the big questions in life. The small things are just as important! Things like the first snow, the flowers at spring, chilling on the beach with your friends on a hot summer day, playing around in the woods when everything have turned yellow, red and orange. Sitting inside while it's raining with a cup of tea (or coffee or hot chocolate) with your family just talking. The first kiss with a new person. No, just being in love. Having butterflies in your stomach every single time you think of your special someone. Not being able to sleep because you know that you'll see him/her the next day. Heartbreaks. Gotta go through them too. Dress up and go out with your friends, eat lots and lots of chocolate and ice cream and, when you're ready, start over. Fall in love again. Do not get a depression in between because one day you'll find someone you want to spend the rest of your life with. Getting married is a choice you make but knowing that this is the one and growing old with that person, please don't miss that.

http://browse.deviantart.com/photography/?qh=&section=&q=old+couple#/dy9ume

We all want to live happily ever after, don't we?

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I've been thinking a lot about dying young and family members dying young. I'm not ready to die but if I do die young do not cry for me 'cause I'll be safe and I'll always be with you. If I die young invite people to my funeral and make it a good memory. Make sure to remember all the stupid small things I've done and share them with the guests. Get a good laugh on my cost. And move on. take your time and move on. I do not want you to live in the past. That is not good for anyone. 

I want you to smile when your mind crosses me. And I want you to remember me smiling no matter how I look just before dying. I don't care what'll happen to my body 'cause my soul will probably be drifting around with the wind and gathering on places I like.

But I don't want to die. I'm not ready yet. I have lots of things that I haven't told people. There's so many people that don't know how much I appreciate them no matter how much I speak with them. Some of the people I look up to or actually really love spending my time with is someone I don't see that often and when I see them telling them how I feel is something I just don't do. "Hi~ Long time no see! Did I tell you that you are my idol yet? No? Well, you are." That's not happening. Never, ever.

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What is the meaning of death? Why does it exist?

I remember a legend saying that to get light on the earth (like the sun, duuh) the humans had to give up immortality. And I do believe that we wouldn't appreciate life if there wasn't death. Life and death are stuck together and, just like night and day, one can't exist without the other.

I think I'm going to try and accept death even though it's hard.

I've been rambling for long enough now! Clara out.

Mood: tired
Eating: chewing gum
Drinking: nothing
Listening to: The Perry Band - If I die young
Reading: nothing

Shit. Just got serious.

Please understand that hurting yourself do not help tackling your problems. It creates more. It'll make the pain go away but it won't last. You'll have to do it again and again and again and one day you'll wake up and find that you're addicted to it. You'll have to cut deeper to ease the pain and it'll get even more dangerous.

I can't forgive you. I won't forgive you. You're scaring me, god damn it. Every single time I see you I'm checking your arms, checking how many scars that is covering your arms. You're out of control.
You're messing up MY everyday and I hate it. But I care to fucking much to let you go.
Sometimes I want to take you and hit you very hard, give you something real to cry over. But I know that you're not crying without a reason. It's everything and nothing. Out of all sudden it seems like reality finally hit you and I'm sorry darling but you'll just have to accept that. I know it hard but who said it was easy? Who said that I see the meaning with life? I don't. And I don't have to.

I know that you have a depression but get over it. I know it's not as simple as it sounds. I know that turning someone's mind from thinking one thing to think another is pretty hard but it's possible.
There is a way out and if you keep trying you'll find a way. It'll take a while and it won't be easy. You'll get out with lots of scars, much different from those you have at the moment. But you'll be happy.

But go ahead. Go ahead and hurt yourself. Hurt me. Go on, commit suicide. Be selfish. Run away from every single thing in your entire life. What do you think'll happen later? Who said that committing suicide would be a relief? Darkness is not a relief. 'Cause you will never, ever be able to feel it. You'll die while being depressed. That is not a good thing. You won't remember anything after that 'cause there is nothing later.

Pain is not the way out. Suicide is most definitely not the way out. Remember that.

Mood: scared
Eating: nothing
Drinking: milk
Listening to: my mother
Reading: nothing