Hey there fucking assholes <3
Sooo... Life has been way too exciting for writing here and even though I've thought about just dropping off some thoughts, I decided not to.
Wish I had though. I've done so many things the last months and it doesn't make sense to write them down now. Guess that'll wait till a day when I am reminded of it again.
And with no further comments I will start my complaining.
Have you ever felt unloved? And extremely confused? Everybody have probably been confused but I'm talking about this confusion about feelings. Oh boy. I don't know if I'm supposed to be happy, sad angry or something else!
See, I broke up with my boyfriend (yes, I had a boyfriend. Don't look so surprised, I have big boobs. Yes, I have big boobs.), got an A in my final and my father is being an idiot.
Happy, sad and angry.
But I guess I'm like tinkerbell, or any fairy as a matter of fact. I can only contain one feeling at a time.
Right now it is sadness, but it switches places with happiness because I have such nice friends distracting me.
The sadness is mostly because of my father. It's just that he has changed a lot lately. I don't recognize him anymore. He's just.. Not him.
He took an awful decision recently. My sister is finishing her what-ever-it-is-called. It's like a college. And I am finishing what is like high school. He decided to take my sister out eating with the rest of the family on the day I graduate. I cannot go because of this dinner with my class, which he should be attending to as well. So should the rest of my family. But as it seems now, it's only my mother and I who will be attending. Sucks.
He also decided not to join my sister's real party, which explains why he have to have dinner with her earlier. And all of this because his girlfriend doesn't like my mother. I mean, come on! She might be his girlfriend, but if she don't want to go, why can't he? Is that too much to ask of him?
He's hurting everybody else the way it looks now, so I really hope that he'll change it. And perhaps he will.
But my true wish is for him to stop chancing because of his girlfriend. Don't get me wrong, she is very nice, but I don't like the way she walks in and messes up a well balanced family. (My parents got divorced long ago, if you're wondering) She should be the one adjusting to our rhythm. Not the other way around. She doesn't even like it when my mother is at my father's house. Because she lived there once. She knows the place. Seriously, what the fuck? Okay, so my mother lived here once, but that shouldn't matter. If she is that uncomfortable staying in a house where my mom lived, it shouldn't have been her that moved. It should have been my father. But since it wasn't, she'll just have to get used to it.
Why can't she just realize that my mother isn't a threat? She have her own boyfriend and they've been together for six years! Really, my mother is harmless. And she only wants everyone to be happy. My father is the one crossing the line when he don't stand up to his girlfriend and his girlfriend is breaking the stepmother rules. (Working on them)
I just want them to be there for me and my sisters because this comes with being a father and not doing that he isn't doing his 'job' right.
xoxo Clara
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
Sunday, December 11, 2011
To get a divorce or make do with a lover. That is the question.
I HATE STARTING A POST WITH AN APOLOGY BUT....
I realized that it's been a while since I made a post. I'M SO SORRAY.
The Christmas spirit finally hit me and I'm even more busy than usually. So many people, so little time xD
Theme of the day will be: Divorce.
My parents are divorced and have been for a very long time. I live one week at my mother's house and then one week at my father's but my address is at my father's house.
Divorce is such an ugly thing and I know lot's of people that aren't as lucky as I am. My parents can talk with each other without fighting and they're friendly. There's no problems even though some of the things my father do really annoy my mother.
Some of my friends parents can't even have a conversation without fighting. That is sad. They spend several years together and decided to marry and get children. And then, somehow, their love just ended. It may be that one of them stopped loving the other, if you can say that, long before but didn't want to end it. Then he/she met someone and they fell in love. And then it's bye-bye husband/wife and hello my new lover! YUM!
No seriously, that's just yikes. No one wants to be with someone who doesn't love them. So why not end it when you realize that it's not love but a habit? It makes no sense to me. I know my father did this once to his girlfriend and I had a very weird Christmas with her moving out of all sudden and then, maybe a month or two later, his new girlfriend moving in. It's not that I don't like her, I really do! It's just... Weird to have a new woman in the house, new rules, a new pet, and so on. I didn't see it coming.
I remember the day my parents told my sisters and I that they were getting divorced. I remember how much wee cried and how sad we were but today I'm happy about it. As I mentioned earlier my father have a new girlfriend. And my mother have a new boyfriend. And I can actually feel the love when my mother and her boyfriend are together. They've been in a relationship for God knows how long and they're still acting all lovey-dovey. I mean, as lovey-dovey as adults with children'll get. I think it's amazing that they can still be so much in love after such a long time. If I look at my father, the time that have passed from my parents getting divorced, he has had 3 girlfriends. My mother had one (she introduced to us, that is). There's so much more love between my mother and her boyfriend than there have ever been between my father and ANY of his girlfriends. But he is much more in love with his new girlfriend Gitte, than the others. I feel it and I hope my sisters do too.
But somehow children get stuck in the middle of a divorce. It happens every single time. The parents are fighting and there's no one to take care of the child. I've even experienced that one of the parents told the child not to do what the other said and they shouldn't believe a word either. That's not fair! It's not fair for the child OR the other parent. It annoys me that one would try to do that! Do not involve your children in a divorce like that. Tell them that you're getting a divorce and then save your arguments, hide your disgust, and put on a fake smile as long as there's people around. That is the easiest way to get through it. My mother once talked about her getting divorced from my father with a comment like "and then there's us, that can't stand looking at each other". I didn't feel that. I didn't feel that at all. And I'm glad I didn't. I had no opportunity to make one of them the bad guy and I didn't have to choose a side. I just felt sorry for myself. But I was younger back then and that might explain why I did not feel the tension.
I'll end this here. Sorry for my bad English but it's late and I can't focus.
Mood: tired
Eating: nothing
Drinking: water
Listening to: my mother in the background and the sound of my keyboard
Reading: math
I realized that it's been a while since I made a post. I'M SO SORRAY.
The Christmas spirit finally hit me and I'm even more busy than usually. So many people, so little time xD
Theme of the day will be: Divorce.
My parents are divorced and have been for a very long time. I live one week at my mother's house and then one week at my father's but my address is at my father's house.
Divorce is such an ugly thing and I know lot's of people that aren't as lucky as I am. My parents can talk with each other without fighting and they're friendly. There's no problems even though some of the things my father do really annoy my mother.
Some of my friends parents can't even have a conversation without fighting. That is sad. They spend several years together and decided to marry and get children. And then, somehow, their love just ended. It may be that one of them stopped loving the other, if you can say that, long before but didn't want to end it. Then he/she met someone and they fell in love. And then it's bye-bye husband/wife and hello my new lover! YUM!
No seriously, that's just yikes. No one wants to be with someone who doesn't love them. So why not end it when you realize that it's not love but a habit? It makes no sense to me. I know my father did this once to his girlfriend and I had a very weird Christmas with her moving out of all sudden and then, maybe a month or two later, his new girlfriend moving in. It's not that I don't like her, I really do! It's just... Weird to have a new woman in the house, new rules, a new pet, and so on. I didn't see it coming.
I remember the day my parents told my sisters and I that they were getting divorced. I remember how much wee cried and how sad we were but today I'm happy about it. As I mentioned earlier my father have a new girlfriend. And my mother have a new boyfriend. And I can actually feel the love when my mother and her boyfriend are together. They've been in a relationship for God knows how long and they're still acting all lovey-dovey. I mean, as lovey-dovey as adults with children'll get. I think it's amazing that they can still be so much in love after such a long time. If I look at my father, the time that have passed from my parents getting divorced, he has had 3 girlfriends. My mother had one (she introduced to us, that is). There's so much more love between my mother and her boyfriend than there have ever been between my father and ANY of his girlfriends. But he is much more in love with his new girlfriend Gitte, than the others. I feel it and I hope my sisters do too.
But somehow children get stuck in the middle of a divorce. It happens every single time. The parents are fighting and there's no one to take care of the child. I've even experienced that one of the parents told the child not to do what the other said and they shouldn't believe a word either. That's not fair! It's not fair for the child OR the other parent. It annoys me that one would try to do that! Do not involve your children in a divorce like that. Tell them that you're getting a divorce and then save your arguments, hide your disgust, and put on a fake smile as long as there's people around. That is the easiest way to get through it. My mother once talked about her getting divorced from my father with a comment like "and then there's us, that can't stand looking at each other". I didn't feel that. I didn't feel that at all. And I'm glad I didn't. I had no opportunity to make one of them the bad guy and I didn't have to choose a side. I just felt sorry for myself. But I was younger back then and that might explain why I did not feel the tension.
I'll end this here. Sorry for my bad English but it's late and I can't focus.
Mood: tired
Eating: nothing
Drinking: water
Listening to: my mother in the background and the sound of my keyboard
Reading: math
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Death will be one hell of an adventure
I want to tell you that I've been VERY busy with my go-out-and-see-what-this-place-is-like-to-work-at - week! (aka. internships? Dunno.)
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With this said, let's go right to the topic of the day! C:
Then is it fair that lots of people live in poverty, hunger and disease and we, the ones who live an amazing life, aren't happy? Is it fair that we choose to commit suicide when our lives are good? To me, it's a no. I'm not sorry for the ones who commit suicide. Most of them that is. Most of them are spoiled, selfish children who let everything get out of control and did not try to make it through. Even though it's hard they should keep going. Life is worth living! You don't have to know the answer to all the big questions in life. The small things are just as important! Things like the first snow, the flowers at spring, chilling on the beach with your friends on a hot summer day, playing around in the woods when everything have turned yellow, red and orange. Sitting inside while it's raining with a cup of tea (or coffee or hot chocolate) with your family just talking. The first kiss with a new person. No, just being in love. Having butterflies in your stomach every single time you think of your special someone. Not being able to sleep because you know that you'll see him/her the next day. Heartbreaks. Gotta go through them too. Dress up and go out with your friends, eat lots and lots of chocolate and ice cream and, when you're ready, start over. Fall in love again. Do not get a depression in between because one day you'll find someone you want to spend the rest of your life with. Getting married is a choice you make but knowing that this is the one and growing old with that person, please don't miss that.
http://browse.deviantart.com/photography/?qh=§ion=&q=old+couple#/dy9ume
We all want to live happily ever after, don't we?
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I've been thinking a lot about dying young and family members dying young. I'm not ready to die but if I do die young do not cry for me 'cause I'll be safe and I'll always be with you. If I die young invite people to my funeral and make it a good memory. Make sure to remember all the stupid small things I've done and share them with the guests. Get a good laugh on my cost. And move on. take your time and move on. I do not want you to live in the past. That is not good for anyone.
I want you to smile when your mind crosses me. And I want you to remember me smiling no matter how I look just before dying. I don't care what'll happen to my body 'cause my soul will probably be drifting around with the wind and gathering on places I like.
But I don't want to die. I'm not ready yet. I have lots of things that I haven't told people. There's so many people that don't know how much I appreciate them no matter how much I speak with them. Some of the people I look up to or actually really love spending my time with is someone I don't see that often and when I see them telling them how I feel is something I just don't do. "Hi~ Long time no see! Did I tell you that you are my idol yet? No? Well, you are." That's not happening. Never, ever.
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What is the meaning of death? Why does it exist?
I remember a legend saying that to get light on the earth (like the sun, duuh) the humans had to give up immortality. And I do believe that we wouldn't appreciate life if there wasn't death. Life and death are stuck together and, just like night and day, one can't exist without the other.
I think I'm going to try and accept death even though it's hard.
I've been rambling for long enough now! Clara out.
Mood: tired
Eating: chewing gum
Drinking: nothing
Listening to: The Perry Band - If I die young
Reading: nothing
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With this said, let's go right to the topic of the day! C:
“Death is a part of all our lives. Whether we like it or not, it is bound to happen. Instead of avoiding thinking about it, it is better to understand its meaning. We all have the same body, the same human flesh, and therefore we will all die. There is a big difference, of course, between natural death and accidental death, but basically death will come sooner or later. If from the beginning your attitude is 'Yes, death is part of our lives,' then it may be easier to face.”I don't like it, you don't like it but it's meant to happen. There's no way around it. Death is most often a terrible thing but it can be beautiful and needed. I see no reason to keep people alive if they're in constant pain. But I see no reason why people who haven't experienced life is dying. Why do babies die? Is it meant to be or is it just happening randomly? Is it okay that the baby dies at birth if there's something seriously wrong with it or should it have the change to live either way? Is it a good life to live if you can't do anything by yourself? Is it worth living if your life is miserable from the day you were born to the day you die? Is it fair for the parents? No one wish for an unhealthy child. But do they want their baby no matter what? In most families I believe that this would be a yes.
Then is it fair that lots of people live in poverty, hunger and disease and we, the ones who live an amazing life, aren't happy? Is it fair that we choose to commit suicide when our lives are good? To me, it's a no. I'm not sorry for the ones who commit suicide. Most of them that is. Most of them are spoiled, selfish children who let everything get out of control and did not try to make it through. Even though it's hard they should keep going. Life is worth living! You don't have to know the answer to all the big questions in life. The small things are just as important! Things like the first snow, the flowers at spring, chilling on the beach with your friends on a hot summer day, playing around in the woods when everything have turned yellow, red and orange. Sitting inside while it's raining with a cup of tea (or coffee or hot chocolate) with your family just talking. The first kiss with a new person. No, just being in love. Having butterflies in your stomach every single time you think of your special someone. Not being able to sleep because you know that you'll see him/her the next day. Heartbreaks. Gotta go through them too. Dress up and go out with your friends, eat lots and lots of chocolate and ice cream and, when you're ready, start over. Fall in love again. Do not get a depression in between because one day you'll find someone you want to spend the rest of your life with. Getting married is a choice you make but knowing that this is the one and growing old with that person, please don't miss that.
http://browse.deviantart.com/photography/?qh=§ion=&q=old+couple#/dy9ume
We all want to live happily ever after, don't we?
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
I've been thinking a lot about dying young and family members dying young. I'm not ready to die but if I do die young do not cry for me 'cause I'll be safe and I'll always be with you. If I die young invite people to my funeral and make it a good memory. Make sure to remember all the stupid small things I've done and share them with the guests. Get a good laugh on my cost. And move on. take your time and move on. I do not want you to live in the past. That is not good for anyone.
I want you to smile when your mind crosses me. And I want you to remember me smiling no matter how I look just before dying. I don't care what'll happen to my body 'cause my soul will probably be drifting around with the wind and gathering on places I like.
But I don't want to die. I'm not ready yet. I have lots of things that I haven't told people. There's so many people that don't know how much I appreciate them no matter how much I speak with them. Some of the people I look up to or actually really love spending my time with is someone I don't see that often and when I see them telling them how I feel is something I just don't do. "Hi~ Long time no see! Did I tell you that you are my idol yet? No? Well, you are." That's not happening. Never, ever.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
What is the meaning of death? Why does it exist?
I remember a legend saying that to get light on the earth (like the sun, duuh) the humans had to give up immortality. And I do believe that we wouldn't appreciate life if there wasn't death. Life and death are stuck together and, just like night and day, one can't exist without the other.
I think I'm going to try and accept death even though it's hard.
I've been rambling for long enough now! Clara out.
Mood: tired
Eating: chewing gum
Drinking: nothing
Listening to: The Perry Band - If I die young
Reading: nothing
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